dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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