he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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