i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
