im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
