Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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