i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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