He told me they were just razor bumps!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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