I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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