you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
