lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
