The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
