Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize