its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
