and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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