dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize