if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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