Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
