i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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