Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I had your ass I would rule the world
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
