I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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