some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
