im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
