He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
