I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
