i jhust puked up my retainher.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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