Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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