Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
