So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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