I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
