so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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