Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
