I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
