I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my shit smells like andre
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
