is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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