it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
