It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
