If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I intend to get homeless drunk
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
