You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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