Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize