I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
