If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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