Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
