There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
