Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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