she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
