did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is Oprah even human
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
