I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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