And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize