I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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