i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize