im drinking this country out of the recession.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
