You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
