I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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