i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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