Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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