You made me cry and you don't even care
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize