im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
