you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
