Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
