I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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