There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize