i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
