We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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