My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
