I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
