my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
