Cold hands, warm shart.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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